are standing still, with both feet inside the small circle drawn with chalk in the middle of a big football field. In the big stadium, the stands that around me are full of people. I cover large reflectors of light from incandescent, dazzle the eyes.
Every breath a cloud of hot air comes out of my mouth to dissolve in the chill of a winter night.
I seem to stand still, yet I see the stadium turn lentemante around me.
Among the crowd I can not recognize anyone, they explore the blurry silhouettes in the distance moving wildly. With my hands I cover my eyes from the light fastiosa, I try to see distant, to meet someone, but only in the midst of millions of people. The crowd massed in the stands seems to be delirium, you reach, screaming, whistling, shouting something but to scuarcia throat, 'I can not understand. I strive to catch a phrase, a sound, a signal, but the noise is deafening and I do not understand what they're trying to tell me. There are no friends, no enemies, just me and nobody else. I do a thousand questions, but in that noise, I get no response. I want to go from there, I want to run away, I want to run, run away, but I do not move, I can not.
not control the movements of my body, I do not have the strength, I do not have the courage. I would scream, I want my voice above the one of the people, so 'that it can hear but can not get it. When I'm about to give in to my destiny, magic, disappear like a soap bubble and that is, the more 'absolute silence.
There 's just no around me are all gone, nothing. I no longer 'afraid, I close my eyes and relax in silence. I do not need them, I do not need those people. I do not seek help 'cause I know that no one, I can' help.
Stop, think! Stop, think! Serves only to raise doubts. Now I am in silence, in the middle of that stage and I feel ready to play the game: The most 'important in my life where one distraction, a moment of weakness, a second too long it can' change the outcome for all. That 's the game against myself and I want to win, whatever the cost!
How many times in life we \u200b\u200bare forced to have to make important decisions? Decisions that can change our destiny, our dreams, our existence. Sometimes we think that alone will not succeed we would never do that and not 'the right time, and that the situation' too complicated. We are afraid, afraid of groped, fear of failure. We are afraid to suffer and to suffer, and so ', we refer you all tomorrow. We are looking for excuses, counsels, of wits and prayer, waiting for someone to give us the answer. Seek it everywhere around us, walking in the desert of the mind, alone in the storm of thoughts. Suffering, expect to hear in that noise and someone to tell us what 'the right thing to do, the perfect thing, which we never regret. We look that voice every day, every minute. The look in his words, in the eyes of the people, the handshakes, the streets, at work, everywhere. We look, we know that one day we will feel it and following it we would not 'need to decide. Someone will have 'done for us, the right thing at the right time. Pero 'time passes, runs quickly before our eyes and not feel scared at all, not a single word. We can cross oceans, climb mountains, down rivers, but will never be found. The answer 'within us, and just listening, I could hear. Someone calls it God, others destiny, soul, fate, luck, courage. I call it Love, love for ourselves. To love and 'the more proof of life 'difficult of all, to which we are subjected without warning and without knowing the rules. We are sucked into a vortex of emotions that draws us away helpless. We do not know where we will end, but 'we can not do is let go. But how do we love someone, if not first love ourselves? Where does all that energy to give to someone, if not the first we find within ourselves?
dreams like this, help me understand what I'm looking so 'desperately' in me and that I must never stop asking me what I want. What I really want? I know, deep down we all know, we just have to ask, every day, 'cause we're alone in the middle that stage and we, the only ones having a kick-off whistle.
These words come from my heart, in this difficult time of my trip. I'm planning my departure from Huatulco, a departure delayed many times, leaving me a break 'my heart in two, which will make me' suffer once again. Fara 'suffer someone else and this thing is killing me. I have tried so that voice, to tell me when was the right day, to give me a date, exact time, I waited to hear the right thing to say Goodbye ¨ ¨ · Do I have to say go!. I finally realized, this night, inside the stadium.
If I could tell everything, every fact, place, feeling, thought, shivering, crying ... If I could describe in full what they live, what I feel. Maybe someday I'll do ', perhaps picking up these lines, I will be able to' fill the memories I carry in your heart and remain there until this, will not cease 'beating.
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