I remember very well that night in San Pedro de Atlitan lake. There were a couple of days I noticed a 'sad and thoughtful expression on the face of my friend Fredy. He tried to mask it with his usual smile, but when you love a person and 'easy to understand if you are wrong. I invited him for a walk and we walked into the cool dark night along the little way the center of the country. We arrived to a small wooden pier on the shore of the lake. I lit a cigarette and offered him one. The light of the lighter's Enlightenment ', for a moment, the face, the facial muscles were tense and draw two lines down his cheeks earth tones. Took a long breath and blow 'strong smoke from his mouth as if panting. We support 'with both elbows on the wooden fence wet back leaning forward in his eye and dispersed into space, beyond the cloud of smoke that spread into the air. The lights of the town of San Marco, on the other side of the lake, reflected in the water and shone in the dark night. Her eyes large and dark reflected the landscape, there were two stones of amber wet deep, silent, uneasy, as if waiting to be able to scream, to be able to deflate the tears that for too long could no longer 'to come out.
"What is Fredy. 'Cause you're sad? ¨, I asked him calmly and taking his own position.
" I do not know Matt, I do not really know. I feel that I really want to cry, but 'I can not, but I can not cry' I! I do not know what the hell is going on, and 'for a week I'm so' and actually 'do not know why.' "He answered without turning around.
" Are you worried about the new restaurant? For the money? "
" No, the money had nothing to do, money is not important, I do not have never had and yet I'm still here. Those come and go, and the fact the restaurant does not bother me, somehow we will. After all it is just moving from one place to another. No, I do not know ... "
" So what 'makes you so' sad, you understand, otherwise you'll never solve it. Are you afraid of something? "He turned
'slowly toward me in silence I could hear his breathing and to see my picture in her bright eyes. After a few seconds of thought, spoke again:" The fact' precisely, the fear! I'm not afraid Matthew, do not ever scared in my life, I do not know what the fuck it means to be afraid of something! "
" This' impossible Fredy, but you have to be afraid of something, we all afraid of something. "
" Not me, I swear. I have already 'happened all the colors in my life, you know, I have not had a childhood so easy, but' not me 'never ever be afraid of something. Now I can not 'not to cry. I do not remember the last time I cried, I do not know, I think it happened many years ago, maybe the last one was for the death of my mother. "
was very serious, as I had never seen before. I used to hear him laughing and joking. I saw him always teasing and smiling all the world, but at that moment something very important to him was disturbing and I wanted to know what it was, to try and help.
"Everything 'began after I talked to that old, "she said softly, as if hoping that will not hear it. He wanted to talk, he wanted to unburden himself, to tell someone what was happening, but at the same time that it was doubtful that anyone is able to understand it.
"How old? With whom do you speak? "I asked him to look back at the lake, trying not to press it too much and leaving him free to decide whether or not rispondermio.
He did it after a long pause, while from a distance came the songs of the dogs that barked in the hills lit .
"It 's happened about a month ago, I met by chance on a boat designed to Panachacel. It 'was closer to him, we met and said to me that I should go talk to him at his home in Santiago, the following week. It was an old man, seemed like a good person and was very convincing. "
" And you, did you go? "I asked him to question.
" Of course, the following Sunday. Why 'sorry, you what would you have done in my place? I was curious, I said he had to tell me something very important. I did not know exactly if it was a holy man or somthing like that, I just wanted to hear what he had to say. "
I remained silent, waiting for resumption to speak, I was curious and a little 'excited, I was wondering how he could have an unknown , influenced to make it so 'sad and worried.
I thought that too, even though the person more' skeptical I know, probably yes, I went to hear what he had to say. In life I often that curiosity 'has the best when I have to decide whether or not a new thing.
"did not ask me no money, no nothing, I spent half an hour in that house, but when I came out, something in me had changed."
came back to look in his eyes, shaking from the desire to know him and the leaders' knew that it was too late to back out. He was ready to reveal his secret.
"He told me that I must accomplish a mission, very important, that I have a gift and I use it to fulfill the mission that God wants me to do."
Trying not to let it leak out my scettiscismo tone of voice and facial expression, I asked him
"A mission? And what is it exactly? What should you do?"
The seriousness' stamped on his face made me think that he really believed in us and this thing that had not at all taken lightly, like maybe I would have done in his place.
"I would love to be afraid of Matt, I would be afraid, for once. The fear stop me at least, to convince me not to, but 'I can not, I can not even be afraid of this." The tone of his voice was gentle and resigned, as if, in reality ', within himself already knew' what was his decision.
"Yes, but what to do, what 's your mission? "I said out of curiosity '.
He remained silent, watching the stars shining in the sky, while in his mind the thoughts clashed with each other like waves against the rocks.
rifargli I decided not to demand, or did not want to insist force him to tell me, yes, I did not but wonder what he should do, but at the same time I was pleased with the confidence he placed in me talking about this thing that only he knew his wife Sonia.
"I guess you're worried , 'cause this mission would make a big change in your life. It 's not true? "
" I have to go from here, I have to leave everything, even my family. "This time I answered immediately, without pausing to reflect on his every word and giving a tone of pure sadness.
"He told me what to do but not how to do it, it's me that I have to find out."
"Leaving your family? But what, forever?" I asked worried and imagining the face of his beautiful daughter, Bertha, to whom I was particularly fond.
did not answer, but his silence speaks' for him.
"So, I will not be insistent, but ', what' s the first thing you would do if I decide to go to the bottom of this thing?"
"Walking, he began to walk."
"Walking? But how? Going where? Just walking?"
"Yes, just walk, when walking, something always happens. "
I stood still, looked into his eyes and felt a strong sense of sadness and joy at the same time. I was skeptical, came from a country with different customs and culture, did not even know what was exactly the God had spoken, I did not know what to say, I did not know what to do, maybe I did not understand what was going on inside him and the thing I felt bad 'cause I felt helpless, unable to give any advice. Cosi' I said nothing, but simply showed her my affection and my understanding in a simple and sincere: I embraced the strong, it shook my arms and gave him a pat on the shoulder. That embrace was worth a thousand words of thanks for everything for accepting me in his family for making me eat in his house, for having been a friend for letting me play with his daughters, for making me spend unforgettable moments that will remain forever in my heart for making me feel less homesick for home and everything else, thank you all, thank you, thank you, my friend!
We climbed the stairs to the street reported that, in silence, and returned to pupuseria where Sonia was working, the little rimcorrersi Brenda playing with his dog Kimba and the other daughter sitting at a table chatting with Flory Rocael.
Even today, I wonder what can push a man like Freddy to give up everything he has and if ever one day decide ' to do so.
I have done nothing to help and I have not exposed enough to allow me to give him advice, I could only listen.
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